I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
