i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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