Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
