he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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