omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
