Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
