Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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