Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I need to calm my uterus...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
