im drinking this country out of the recession.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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