How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
