Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize