mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i permit you to call me
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
