I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
