I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
