worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
