I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well you can't waste a boner
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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