i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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