I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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