wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
