can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
