so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
