Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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