I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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