I wish I could punch you in the face.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am one with the molecules
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
