just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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