i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
third nipple confirmed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
