You smell like stripper and shame
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
