Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
