Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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