I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
