I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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