The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
