If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
