i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you repeat that, but with context?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
