bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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