I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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