Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
