I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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