He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
