I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
