So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
