I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
how does that bad decision feel?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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