she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize