I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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