we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
