just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize