just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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