How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
