Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize