she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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