Betty ford says i'm here all night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize