erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize