i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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