I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
