Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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