you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
