I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
