so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
