Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
