Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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