yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
