i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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