I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
there is glitter all over my balls
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
