Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
