Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
