I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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