They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
